all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
