Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My cat gives me a boner
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
