There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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