I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My vagina is officially offended.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
