I just made out with a guy for $7.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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