id be glad to
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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