I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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