totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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