dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
