I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
