OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
