Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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