Sry I called you an 8
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
