Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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