It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
