I think my vagina is haunted
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
