My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
