Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
