do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize