maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i think i just lost a toe
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
