okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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