Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
