I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize