It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
