Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
