You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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