My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
