And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
