Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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