i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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