Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
