ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
