I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
