i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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