I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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