im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
