So drunk, too bad you don't want this
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
