did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
