i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
