When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
