I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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