I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
