sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
