Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He kissed a someone with a penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
