So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
