Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
