so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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