you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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