Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
