He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
