Already got asked if we're dating
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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