I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
