What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
