Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drake has all the answers
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
