In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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