i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
