Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
