For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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