just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
