Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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