Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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