my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
