I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
