we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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