my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
