Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
