1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
