I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
