mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize