i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
