I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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