Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
