i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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