OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
