I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm at about main and main street
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
