No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
