Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
