I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
