it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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