when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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